So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize