i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
