i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
