dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
