i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
