HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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