She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
