I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
