my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
