I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
