Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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