You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
