I'm jealous of your bromance
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
