I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
