Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
