is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
