Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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