Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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