I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize