idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize