Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
