Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
