1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
