if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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