Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
