We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
