Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
