i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
