My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
