there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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