come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
