Someone shit on the floor
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
