Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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