we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
