After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
