Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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