i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
