the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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