who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
