We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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