Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Life is so much better after having sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
