i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
