I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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