Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
