So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
