yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
