We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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