He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
