the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
