I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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