the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
