Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize