Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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