So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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