Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
