A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize