I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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