Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
