maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
