I think I just saw someone hide a body.
...so i touched it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
