I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
