I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
