so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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