Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
