I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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