the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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