its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
