You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
