Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
