were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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