we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
