So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
