Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
